“What are you doing
up there??” she said. I was standing up on a short ladder leaning on the long
book shelf that I had designed a year ago, searching for a book.
“I’m looking for a
book”, I said.
“Ok, whatever. How
come you’re up so early today??”
“Early, it’s 10:30”
“Oh yeah,
considering the fact that you wake up at 2 in the afternoon usually”
“People change dear.
How come you’re here??”
“Your sis asked me
to check on you for a couple of days. So I’m here”
I got down the
ladder, holding a copy of a Gabriel Garcia Marquez classic to experience magic
realism of his stories. I sat on the chair, placed opposite to the book shelf,
as she stayed right beside it.
“Do you need some breakfast??” she said.
“No. But I would
love a cup of coffee, if you don’t mind”
“I’m here for you;
you can ask me anything for the next couple of days”
She brought coffee
in a few minutes. I placed the book next to me on the handle, bending the
corner of the page and took the cup from her hand. I took it in my fingers, as
it left hers. She sat in front of me on the table.
“How do you feel
now??” she asked with a bit of concern.
“I haven’t gone out
of this house for almost a month. Haven’t had haircuts or a shave for the past
two months. First time I feel like doing something. I think I’m feeling better”
I took a sip. She
had a flat smile, her lips spread across. She was looking out.
“You look different
today. There is kind of a glow in your face. I don’t know whether it’s the
weather or something, you’re looking good today”, I said.
“Thank you”, as the
flatness of her smile turned normal.
“That’s the smile
men try to achieve, that’s the most beautiful one; momentary happiness”
“Yeah, whatever”
“Let’s go for a
walk. The lanes in our colony are pretty much filled with silence and the
beauty of nature”
“That’s a bit too
much. Anyways you’re suggesting going for a walk, after almost a month… C’mon
let’s go”
***
Grey skies, with the
sun throwing its rays out in between the cloud. The ground below me was wet,
the trees, the bushes were all wet. The rain had stopped long ago, but its
presence was felt.
“ We, men we try to
understand the opposite sex, learn about them, get to know them, impress them,
woe them, have a relationship with them… and we do it because that’s a part of
life, and if we don’t do any of the above; Life would be incomplete”, I said.
“Yeah, that’s a nice
thought. I can say the same things from my perspective”
“It’s something
right, god creates a species and separates them giving them different mindsets,
different designs and mechanisms. He puts us in this world to exist in harmony”
“Only god knows what
he did a few million years ago”
“You might have been
one of the first girl’s who gave me a clearer picture of women. I did learn a
lot from you” I looked at her with a smile.” Talking to you was something I
loved. Our discussions were productive, fun and always ended up with us looking
back and realizing, ‘Did we actually talk about this’”
“Yeah that’s true”,
she laughed.”Those were crazy times”
“Let’s go to the
beach. I’ll drive”
“You’ll drive huh.
After staying one month inside without any contact with the outside world or
unaware of the changes and now all of a sudden, you’re out for a walk and you
wanna drive. One thing at a time and by the way I have to go to school to serve
lunch”
“What?? You think
I’ve forgotten how to drive?? It’s something I’ll always love. Do you think a
person will forget how to have sex, it’s just like that”, I said looking at
her.
She hit me on my
back, with a slight push.
“How are the kids,
by the way??” I asked her.
“They’re fine”
“What are their
names?? I keep forgetting”
“Sahan and Kashaf”
“I love that name,
Kashaf. Can I come to the school with you… maybe drive?”
“No driving. But if
you want you can come with me. It’s time now to head back”
We turned and
started walking towards home. She was walking quickly as I walked with my usual
pace.
“How’s Anurag?? Is
he fine with you taking care of me??” I ask her.
“He’s more worried
about you, than I am. He’s fine. You need to take care of yourself you know”,
she said turning back.
“Why should I, when
I have you and my sister”, I said winking at her.
***
She was seated on
the driver’s seat, as I gave her instructions as she brought the car back
slowly. It was out of the parking spot and then she slowly turned left and out
of the gate. I closed the gate, the creaky sound due to the rains and the rust
on the joints made me realize the long month I just had. I ran towards the car
and got in. The radio was playing, with RJ’s making some funny quotes and asking
weird questions.
“RJ’s haven’t
changed, huh??” I asked her.
“Obiviou… you have
been in only for a month not a year”, she said with a laugh.
“You really don’t
trust my driving huh??”
“I used to”
“Now that hurts a
lot. The whole ‘used to’ concept. Used to be friends, used to be married,
something that really hurts”
“Enough, enough.
Please could you hold that Tiffin which is in the back?? In order to avoid
leakage or spillage inside”
“Ok sure. Which
class your kids are in, by the way??”
“Kashaf in 5th and
Sahan in 3rd”
“They go to Canara
right???”
“Yup, you’re school”
“Cool, it’s been
ages since the last time I was there”
***
I was wearing my
half pants, a grey T-shirt that I loved and Ray ban glasses. There were kids
all around, running to their parents. Their parent’s questioning them about
their first session, and their kids naively explaining everything irrespective
of whether good or bad occurred because of them (especially the girls) and some
guys running around and changing the topic as the parent’s try to figure out
what happened. It was almost after a month, I saw Kashaf and Sahan. Kashaf
looked just like her mother; it was just like the way she looked back in high
school. Sahan too had his mother’s qualities more in him, and they were
fighting against each other on some issue which she was listening carefully to,
as I looked around, thinking of the old days.
“Say hi to your
uncle Preston”, she said as the two kids raised their hands gesturing ‘hi’ and
a soft voice depicting the gesture.
I smiled and said
“Hi”. I looked around, lot of changes had occurred, new building, new garden.
There was no Krishna Mandir in the middle of the school, which I loved. I
walked around hoping that some teacher I knew would cross my path.
“Preston, come here.
Open this”, she called me.
“Yeah”
“Open this”
“Hmm… smells nice.
Hope you’ve cooked the same back home for me. I opened the tiffin”
“Uncle, why did
mommy cook for you”, asked Kashaf in her sweet voice.
“Because I don’t
know to cook, dear and your mommy is a great cook”, I said bending down to her.
“Hey Anasya, does
that thing work on these kids. Where I hug you and say you’re my mommy or
you’re mine and the kids come attacking at me or cry by saying ‘No, she’s my
mom only’”
“No that won’t work
obviously, they’re in school now and by the way you’ve done this a lot and they
did kick your ass badly then”
“Ok”, I smiled at
her thinking about the stupid question I had just asked.
The kids were eating
and she kept asking them some spellings, tables and correcting them if they
were wrong. I was taken back to my days at school, it was nostalgic. Sitting in a room with my
friends, they’re moms and discussing the exams, the things we did in class. And
now looking at a person my age doing that, life’s gone ahead a lot.
***
“Looking at you as a
mother, a good one it feels nice”, my eyes were wet. She hugged me, a drop of
tear made its journey from my eyes down the cheeks. My phone rang at that
instant. It was from the doctor.
“Hello…”
***
We stood outside a
room, with a glass wall. We were overlooking a group of babies on the other
side of the wall.
“If you had a choice
between pregnancy and adoption, what would you choose??” I asked her.
“That’s not a
question. Pregnancy is a gift for women whereas adoption is an alternate route
if there are complications. But I still prefer my own child”
“C’mon there are so
many orphans in this world. Pregnancy has a span of 9 months, your body
changes, so many complications in general. Additional complications in some
cases, and we men have nothing to do than just wait for the moment to become a
father”
“As I said it’s a
gift”
“We had a fight,
when the doctor mentioned to us about the complication. I wanted to save her.
She wanted the baby, sounding just like way you are right now. She convinced me
at last, and then a month before her actual pregnancy date, she had lot of pain
and it ended being a premature delivery and me losing her forever. The thing I
always worried was losing people in my life, and by that I mean not death but the
relationship with the individual. I’m happy that she didn’t hate me when she
was in her last stages, she was proud of me. Now I realize I was wrong about
the whole losing relationship, now I realize there is loss by death too. Even
you for that matter, the relationship I had with you since college days, I
always worried losing that, by my foolishness but I was able to hold on to you.
She always wanted to be a mother, and she was for 8 months, she took care of
the baby within her. And now I’m a father who had a emotional breakdown a few
minutes ago, hasn’t come out of his house for a month and first few weeks going
through a bad phase”, drops of tear followed in a line down to the earth as she
hugged me. I never thought a year of marriage would change me this much. I
wouldn’t worry about anyone, other than me. Now I have a daughter, crying over
the loss of my wife and my friend taking care of me.
***
“I never thought I
would see you like this. The conversations we would have back in our college
days, crazy discussions and our friends teasing us”, she was trying to cheer me
up. I was feeling better than earlier.
“You know the reason
I didn't want to marry you. It’s just because I loved the relationship I had
with you, more than you and I didn't wanna change that”, I said to her looking
into her eyes.
She smiled. The
smile showed the trust, the respect she had for me.
“Could you take care
of her for me??” I asked her.
“What??”
“For a year, maybe…
Do you really think I can take care of her now?? Anurag won’t mind, I know him
really well”
“I know he won’t
mind. But I already have two kids and looking after them I get tired”
“They go to school
and I’m asking you this only because you live two houses next to me and you’re
the one woman I can trust right now with my daughter. You even have a good
sense of names, I love the name Kashaf. Give her a beautiful name just like
that and I’ll always be there. I don’t know how to take care of a kid, you have
experienced two. She’ll even have a brother and a sister as she grow up”, I
looked at her. She was silent, looking down, thinking. I had never seen her
think so much.
“Ok”, she said.”
I’ll take care of her”
“Thank you. I’ll get
back to work tomorrow, I’m not just a 30 year old asshole anymore, I’m a
father”, I smiled at her, lying down on my chair looking up and closing my eyes.
“Yeah you have a daughter now”, she said patting my thighs.
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