I was going to die
today, but I didn’t know then.
I was sitting amidst
a crowd where all were seated in a wooden chair which could fold over. It was a
bit unstable and made a creaky noise as I was trying to make myself
comfortable. The rocks on the ground made things even more difficult. There
were lights everywhere and still couldn’t see the characters clearly without my
glasses. In my forties, things hadn’t turned out the way I wanted it to.
Working with the most respected men in the underworld, my brother and to have
reached a position where I have to hide from him.
***
On the stage, the bhagavat
was expressing the scene occurring, in the form of a song. The tone and the hand
gestures he made were always something I admired. The chande, maddale
and taala accompanied bhagavata’s song. The characters of the Yakshagana
were moving around, dancing and expressing their emotions according to the
scene. It was an art form I always admired. My dad used to take me to watch
them when I was a kid.
All were awaiting
the arrival of Karna. Bhishma was lying on a bed of arrows after
being intercepted by Shikandi at the battle of Kurukshethra.
Dramatic events had passed and he kept on chanting the thousand names of Vishnu
as the war continued. Karna was going to take over as the man to lead
the Kaurava army. A Sarathiputra to the society, but son of Kunti
and Lord Surya and born as a result of a question to test the power of the boon
granted by Durvasa.
“O Duryodhana,
all our army is deprived of Ganagaputr Bhishma , It feel s like a oyster shell
missing it’s pearl in the ocean. Pandavas were enraged. Only Karna can
save us. Duryodhana, you know that he has abstained from the war all
these days due to that remark passed by Bhishma. Now we all are
waiting”, said the kings to Duryodhana.
The bhagavat
was back on, as they moved on to the next scene.
Karna arrived to take center stage. People in the
crowd were a bit excited even though most of them were dreaming. His attire was
a black and white striped kachche, a black vest covered by the kavach
and his kundal and a head gear (kireeta).
***
I remember the day I
took over from my brother. He thought it was time for me to, though he didn’t
know I was his brother then. He stepped down and began assisting with their
usual businesses. The daily collections from the fish market, illegal goods
from the ports and most importantly, the control over liquor business. The
coastal town was run by these men and they had respect in the society. Their
business might be illegal but when it came to the townspeople, they defended
and protected them from harm and maintained peace and balance in their own
ways.
***
Sarathiputra was set to lead one of the largest armies of
the planet. A man who beared a lot of losses, lot of injustice in his life was
now a king and leading an army. He addressed the kings with the voice
equivalent to the roar of a lion-“O kings of great prowess! Gangaputr
Bhishma who possessed firmness, intelligence, vigour, truth, self restraint,
humility, modesty is now lying on a arrow bed. His leadership was what that
inspired us, but now what’s the use of this army, this huge army. With the fall
of Bhishma, Duryodhana has lost everything. His fall happened
here in this battlefield, in Kurukshetra. He fell like a mountain. But
you don’t worry, I will save your honor and fight for victory over the
Pandavas. I will attack Arjunaa and make Duryodhana the emperor
of the Universe. If I fail to do so, I will enjoy heavenly pleasures and meet
Gangaputr in heaven. This is my promise”(“ Idu nanna pratijnye”)
Duryodhana expresses his happiness and Karna
proceeds to the place where Bheeshma is lying on the bed of arrows. He
touches his feet and takes his blessing.
Bhagavat continues with his song as Karna
moves around asking for Pitamaha’s blessing.
“O Gangaputr
Bhishma! I am Radheya. Bless me, you’re lying on a bed of arrows, it
isn’t something that fate can just avoid. I am taking part in the war from
today onwards. So bless me” he bows to Bhishma.
Bhishma opens his eye.
“I will conquer Madhyama
Pandava and all the others along with their forces. Bless me”, he
requested.
Bhishma blesses him, “O Ang Raaj Karna , with
your support and help only, Duryodhana and his brothers are happy. You’re
no less than a Kaurava and friendship is greater and thicker than
relationship attained by earth. Command the kourava army and acquire
victory to Duryodhana”, he adds.
***
How did I end up
here?? Was it the way I thought, the kind of place I grew up?? My dad?? I can
go on finding reasons and giving reasons to myself, but it was my fault.
Somewhere I always knew what I was doing was wrong, but even then I did it. I
remember those days when dad used to smoke, gamble and drink lot as a adult.
Always had this notion that this is what I can do once I grow up, the things my
dad did. This was the decision that made me end up in this. Hiding in a crowd
watching an art form is one thing that I never regretted.
***
It was almost
midnight, tea and a fried snack was served. The snack was a dal mashed into
flattened disc and fried. It was a bit hard, so ate a bite and threw it .The
tea woke me up a bit. I continued watching the prasanga as the crowd
decreased in size. I needed some time for myself and I continued figuring out
things in my mind along with enjoying the art form I always loved.
Indra disguised as an old Brahmin comes to Karna
with an intention to reduce his strength and to safeguard his son, Arjuna.
The bhagavat always
did deliver it in a way we never understand and yet enjoy it.
“O great warrior, I
come here empty handed begging for alms. I know you won’t disappoint me”
“My greetings to
you, O Brahmin; I am in the middle of my prayers and usual routine. I don’t
have anything to give you”
“You have it son.
But do you want to give it to me”
“Anything, you say
it; O Brahmin”
“Your Kavach
and Kundal”
Karna realized that this was a ploy, it was some
heavenly person disguised as a Brahmin. Karna unable to say no took of
the kundal and kavach and placed it in the hands of Indra.
Impressed by his charity, Indra says “O Karna, I’m impressed by
your action. What do you wish for??”
Karna thought about it and asks for the Shakti
and Indra grants it.
***
He knew he was going
to die even before he entered the battlefield, though he didn’t deserve to. I
remember the conversation with Guruji, my brother’s dad. He was always
worried about my work style. People loved me and similarly they envied me. The
amount of people I killed, this moment right now must be the curse of all those
families. The most dangerous tool that ruins relationships, businesses and
others is jealousy. The day jealousy entered into our lives. I was going to be
kicked out with a touch of evil acts. As a result I had to escape, irrespective
of the love people had on me.
***
In the battlefield
of Kurukshetra:
Arjunaa and Karna are set to battle. The Shakti
was used up on Ghatodkach, son of Bhima; A giant with tricks up
his sleeve who would have destroyed the complete Kaurava forces.
Karna sets up an arrow, prays to the gods and
sends the arrow flying right across towards Arjuna as they both move
around the stage. The arrow sent Arjuna’s chariot a foot back.
“O Karna, I’m
impressed”, said the Lord.
Feeling envy over
the praise of Karna by lord Krishna, Arjuna set an arrow that
sent Karna’s chariot a hundred foot back, at least that’s what the bhagavatha
in the background said. Arjuna was expecting the lord to praise, Krishna
remained silent.
“O mighty Vasudev
Putra Krishna, I sent an arrow and it sent him a hundred foot back and I
get no praise. But when he sets an arrow and sends me a foot back you praise
him. What’s in your mind, O Krishna??” asked Madhyama Pandava feeling
insecure and confused.
“Hahhaha, you have
Lord Hanuman above you. You have me as your charioteer, you have the pashupataastra
and still he’s able to send you a foot back. Hear in brief, O son of Pandu!
I regard the mighty Karna as equal, or perhaps superior than you. In
energy he is equal to Agni. As regards speed, he is equal to the
impetuosity of the Vaayu. In wrath, he resembles the Destroyer himself.
Endued with might, he resembles a lion in the formation of his body. His arms
are large, chest is broad. He is invincible and sensitive. He is a hero, the
foremost of heroes. He is exceedingly handsome. Possessed of every
accomplishment of a warrior, he is a dispeller of the fears of friends. No one,
not even the Gods with Vasava at their head, can slay the son of Radha.
No one possessed of flesh and blood, not even the Gods fighting with great
care, not all the warriors (of the three worlds) fighting together can vanquish
the son of the chariot-rider.”, said the mighty lord himself.
***
I was better than
him, but I never got what I deserved. For a new beginning, in my hometown
continuing what my dad did; painting the characters and moving around with
them. Though most of the colors were added by themselves they were times when
they would need some assistance. This is something I have always loved rather
than what I have been doing until now. To a new beginning, a new chapter, a new
melas.
***
It started
pouring heavily; people went running back to their respective homes. I sat
there, enjoying the Yakshagana like I always did.
Karna took an arrow and pointed it towards Arjuna
and tried hard to remember the Brahmasthra mantra and was unable to. The
curse of Parashuram was taking its course. He was unable to use the Naga
astra and Rudra astra, the celestial weapons given to him by Parashuram
as he had promised Kunti that he’ll use it only once.
This was a moment
when I had tears in my eyes. This isn't the end he deserved. Krishna planned it
in a way that ensured victory to Pandavas, just like the initial deal he made
by stating “Even if a single Kaurava remains, the Kauravas are victorious and
even if a single Pandava dies, they lose the battle” Sending Kunti to
emotionally manipulate at the end and making him promise and limit the usage of
weapons, it wasn’t fair. It didn’t matter where strength was. All that mattered
was which side you were on, the side which was a darker shade of grey.What is right?? What is wrong?? In
my case we both are intermediate shades of grey and the shades are imbalanced
and to maintain the balance…
Arjuna sends an arrow flying across…
A bullet is shot
from nowhere in the darkness and the heavy rain…
***
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